Yes, I'm a spiritual man. My only desire is to ripen spiritually every day; to be a better man today than I was yesterday; better for not only myself, but for all other beings.
It's only in the last five years (I'm 64) that I've been on this intense spiritual quest. I don't go to ashrams or meditate with other people. My path is a solitary one. But I'm a solitary, reclusive creature, and I'm know that my way is the right way for me.
You ask how can I be sure that God is out there? And if He is, why you can't find him?
I think you're looking in the wrong place. God is "in there;" inside you, inside me, inside every living being and inanimate object.
My teachers (in books) are the mystics of India, Tibet, China, Japan, and other countries. All of them say the same thing: that human beings are merely waves in the vast Ocean of Being; that we seem to be separate from other humans, but that, in fact, we are all inseparable connected. When we die, each of us will lose his form (his body), but the water that makes up our body (our soul) will return to the Ocean of Being. Think about that when you watch a wave break on the beach. It's death for the wave's form, but the water merges instantly with the sea -- perhaps at some point, to be born again as another wave.
Our primitive senses don't permit us to see the energy-connection we have with everything else in existence. We think of ourselves as separate islands, and ignore the fact that all islands are connected to the earth by a root or stalk of rock. We can't feel the stalk, during most moments of our day-to-day lives.
So my quest is to become enlghtened; not just to believe, but to KNOW and to FEEL that connection to the Universal Soul, God, in all of its magnificent glory. The mystics say that if you work on yourself constantly, if you give up all desires and aversions, if you help people selflessly without any thoughts of reward, that your soul will ripen, like an apple on a tree. And eventually, at some point, your apple/soul will drop off the tree. You become enlightened; you see the unity of life, and not the duality.
All of us were born enlightened. Children up to age 2 are in a perpetual state of samadhi. That's why people like to be around babies. They live totally in the moment; they have no worries, no desires, no aversions, no hatred, no anxiety. It's only when we begin "educatiing" them that innocence slips away. Babies live in the Garden of Eden. Alas, we grown-ups teach them how to shed their innocence, and then to forget they ever possessed it. It's the job of someone on a spiritual quest to reclaim that innocence. To do so, you have to unlearn much of what you've been taught all your life; not an easy task. But others have done it, and I feel confident that I can regain that enlightened state that I knew as a baby.