Primal Screams, Cleanses, Forgiveness & More
You need to purge your body and mind of the horrors that happened to you in your childhood. Just as our bodies store toxic food debris in our liver and intestinal tract, our minds store toxic memories in the form of emotional tumors. Yours have been inside you for 3 decades. It's time to flush them out. In your place, here's what I would do.
1) Primal Screaming -- Fritz Perls introduced this protocol to America in the 1960s, at the Esalen Institute in California. But yogis in India and Tibet have been teaching the same technique for thousands of years. It may sound odd when your first read it, but primal screaming works.
First, a bit of background: One of the reasons people love babies and tiny children is that the little ones never repress any emotions. When a baby gets mad, he cries his heart out. And then, he FORGETS it. Babies live in the moment, like enlightened sages, and have no thoughts of the past or future. They have no
fears, no concepts, no aversions, and no foolish attachments. When they're happy, babies are totally joyful. And when they're angry, all the anger is released.
Alas, society soon teaches our children to repress emotions. Instead of screaming and raising a fuss, they swallow that emotion, and store it within themselves. And like mucoid plaque, the toxic residue of dead food, those negative repressed emotions, in the form of tumors, can survive within us all the days of our life.
Primal screaming is a way of releasing those repressed emotions. Ideally, you should have screamed and screamed when those terrors were done to you in your childhood. Chances are good that you didn't. The bad news is that it's those tumors that have caused you so much pain and discomfort all your life. The good news is that it's not too late to release all that age-old horror. Here's how I suggest you do it.
First, you should be alone when you do this. If not, make sure the person you are with is someone you love deeply, and who knows what you are doing -- and is sympathetic to it.
Lie down on a a yoga mat or the rug, and put a pillow under your head. Tell yourself aloud that you are now going to CRY like you never have in your life. And tell your body and mind that you INTEND this intensive crying to act as a catalyst that will RELEASE the toxic emotional tumors in your psyche.
Then conjure up some of the terrors of your childhood, and begin crying. Start softly at first. But the whole point of this technique is to get to a point where you
are sobbing aloud, thrashing around on the mat, and TOTALLY forgetful of the world around you.
Pound your fists on the floor. Let out long and piercing screams. Cry at the top of your voice. HOLD NOTHING BACK! What you want is a totally cathartic session, which, when you emerge from it 10 or 15 minutes later, will leave you weak-kneed and shaking. The key is get into the crying TOTALLY, the same way a child does.
You'll know when the session is over. Lie back and restore your breathing to normal. Thank your body for following your instructions, and releasing all those toxic memories. Ask your intuition, your Deep Inner Voice, to let you know if and when you should do another session of primal screaming. Chances are good that you'll want to do several more. You'll get better at it, as you go along.
You should feel shaky-legged when you get up. But you should also feel clean in a way that you may never have known before. And if the constant muscular tension is lessened or abated, you'll know you're on the right track.
2) Physical Cleanses -- It's not common knowledge, but emotional tumors are commonly stored in the liver as stones. So I strongly suggest that you do at least one liver cleanse a month, for at least the next year. You should also do colon and kidney cleanses. They're not difficult and not expensive. CZ is a very good place to educate yourself about internal cleanses. I suggest the liver cleanse recommended by Andreas Moritz in his wonderful book, The Amazing Liver & Gallbladder Flush (www.erer-chi.com)
One quick anecdote: A good friend of mine had a horrific childhood, It was a rare day when he didn't mention some atrocity that his parents did to him. Last autumn, he did a series of liver cleanses to heal himself of edema (severe swelling in one leg). During Cleanse #8, he passed some ENORMOUS liver stones , that had apparently been inside him for 45 years. And when those stones were flushed, so were the toxic memories of his childhood. He never thinks or talks about the bad-old-days now. The tumors are gone -- and so is the edema.
3) Forgiveness -- It's critically important to your physical and emotional health that you FORGIVE your parents for whatever happened! The anger and rage that you feel towards them, ONLY HURTS YOU. It doesn't hurt them.
You must tell yourself -- and mean it -- that your parents were not evil. Whatever they did to you, was initiated by their own deep pain. Had they been more aware, they never would have hurt you. I would create an affirmation and say it as often as you need to. It might sound like this:
"I completely forgive my parents for the pain they caused me as a child. I know that the anger and resentment I felt for so many years, is being released by my crying sessions and the internal cleanses. Some of those emotional tumors have already been flushed from my body and mind, and the rest will be released in the very near future. I know that my parents were in deep pain of their own when they hurt me. I forgive them, forgive them, forgive them! And I forgive myself for
repressing those negative emotions, which caused me so much pain over the years. I am at peace with my parents, and I am at peace with myself. I intend to be radiantly healthy, and blissfully contented for the rest of my long life."
That's not written in stone, but something like that, if you say it often and MEAN it, will accelerate the healing process.
That's enough for tonight. Within the next week, I plan to post one of my most important messages on this same forum. It will be titled, "Bury Your Problems -- Literally Bury Them." I hope you'll read it, because much of what I suggest in that post may also be of use to you.
Good luck with your healing quest. If anything I said resonated with you, give it a try. I will keep you in my prayers.